Sacagawea was the original milf.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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