video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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