Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
