hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's never too late to be topless.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
