Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
