Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I forget how to act sober
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