i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize