it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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