guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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