Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
