That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
