My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
