I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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