We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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