before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
