i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
