i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
