Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
