Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I want her autograph on my taint
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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