Where is the hickey?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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