do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
