I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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