I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dear god my vagina.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
