I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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