sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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