A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
