you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
