This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
