I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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