I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize