i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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