When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
