My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
