yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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