So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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