Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
