Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
