The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
