....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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