hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
