That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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