I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
