evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
