Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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