One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize