I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
