Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
