I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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