We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
