Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
