I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
