I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize