when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
