Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
