Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
