i just wanna soil my oats bro
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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