You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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