that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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