saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize