When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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