please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
