just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
