New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
