Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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