Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
