I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
