How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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