If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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