She's JV to your varsity
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
