is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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