ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
