yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
