I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
