its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
