i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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