i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I will die if light touches me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
