Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think people are normalizing furries
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
