ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
